On the Serious Side

I sound excited when I talk about Smith's new discovery.

He has possible methylmalonic acidemia.

We don't know for sure if it is, but It might be. A part of me is excited, a part of me is scared, and a part of me doesn't know what to do. I have lived with the fact that Smith David Taylor is a medical mystery for two years, and to know a diagnosis is awesome, everything I asked for. I pray for it to be this genetic disorder because they can actually treat it. There are a lot of aspects to this genetic disease that are hard to face.

They can't undo any damage that is already done. (which is unkown)

And Bryce and I have a one in four chance of having another one with the same disease. (high risk)

So, in short there is a lot racing through my mind. Here are some thoughts I would like to share.

1. I am grateful for Smith's innocence and happy countenance, that I am sure he will have forever.

2. For some reason, I was chosen for this calling in life. Maybe I accepted it before this life, but it has taken me a while to accept it in this one. And now that I feel I have accepted it, things are more peaceful at my core and I am more myself.

3. I have an amazing support group. My husband being number one, he is too amazing it makes me choked up writing about him in any way. And my amazing family that is always praying for him, fasting for him, treating him like he is special but still just one of the grand kids. My friends that listen to me like there is nothing else to do in the world, and take time out of there busy schedule to not be so busy for a moment and spend time with me and Smith.

4. Realizing there are true doctors out there that care... I mean really really CARE. I heart them.

5. I love life! Golly gee whiz....it's a fantastic journey that sure has it's ups and downs! Enjoy the experience of feeling something! We are supposed to feel sadness, sorrow, loss, anger in this life, it's inevitable, because with out those emotions there would be no happiness, joy, love, glee, glory, fun, laughter! I guess if you want a placid life you can avoid feeling any of the negatives, but the positives will go more unnoticed. It's just a part of life, and life is, well, AMAZING!

I love my little Smith. He is always being so cute in some way, I can't help but squeeze his little cheeks and squeeze his little body close to mine everyday. He is one of my favorite joys in life. I thank my heavenly father for giving me such a beautiful little boy.

TULIPS!

We bought our house in October.

I had no idea that our little yard would bring us early spring flowers!

Tulips!

Undeniably my favorite flower. I do fancy the orange tulips best, but any color will do.

Tomorrow I am taking little Smitty into his Neurologist to try to diagnose him properly. I have mixed feelings on this subject. I am scared to medicate him because of the side effects, on the other hand, I would like to see him grow and learn. If the medication can help him develop then I think I am willing to take a chance. I have accepted Smith's disability in my life. My sister called me the other day and told me that a friend of hers lost her fight to cancer. She was only 31 and had 3 children and a husband. I pondered and morned for her family on this earth, with out a mother and a wife. My heart goes out to that family. Then I thought of my current situation and looked down at Smith who was kicking and smiling on the floor.

I don't have cancer.

I have a son, a happy son, with disabilities.

He is a blessing. And I didn't fully realize that until my sister told me that story. I am blessed to have Smith. He has helped me see the world differently, helped me to love differently.

No more woe is me.

Happy me.

Let the good times roll, (and Smith too...)

Let the tulips bloom and I am ready for you SPRING! Oh, so ready!