I was frustrated.
I was tired.
I was confused.
I asked Heavenly Father, Why?
Why is Smith different? What do I need to do? How can I best help him? Can he please sleep, can I please sleep.
Tears came to my eyes as I walked around my house in the wee hours of the night. I was talking to Smith and heavenly Father out loud. Hoping one of them would hear me and understand. As Smith dozed off on my numb shoulder I thought of the conversation I had with my sweet Bryce during the day before.
My Bryce said he felt sad for the first time about Smith. He watched a Dad with his son playing, and realized that might not ever happen with Smith. I told my Bryce I loved him, I kissed him and said, "you are the strong one, remember." He picked up Smith and held him close.
He is the strong one. He helps me and I help him. Today I helped him. And I loved it. We love our Sweet Little Little..... SO DARN Much!!!!
It made me think of one of the most influential talks I have ever read by one of the most beloved late apostles Joseph B. Wirthlin. It's called "Live in Thanksgiving Daily." The first time I read this talk was in the Canary Islands, serving my mission for the LDS church. I encourage all to READ IT.....SERIOUSLY, it will change your perspective on life. Here is the link.....just click and you are there.
Here is a quote from that very talk.
“The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life”
I want to live everyday in gratitude and thanksgiving and I know I can. I love life and I love being happy about it... there are things that always make me live in the moment and i am going to name a few:
Seeing Smith Smile
My Husband's dashing good looks
Sitting on a porch in a warm summer sunset
Creeksides
Trees blowing in the wind
Warm Summer nights
Vacations with my family
Beautiful Art work
LOVe
The Gospel
I love all these things and more.....
I love you Smith, and Daddy loves you too.
What a cute picture of little Smith
ReplyDeleteI'm so grateful for the way you face the challenges in your life. You truly are such an example to me. I don't know how I would be in your shoes, but I know that you are handling things very well.
ReplyDeleteI know that the Lord hears every prayer, thought, and plea you make. He knew that Smith would have the happiest life with you and Bryce as his parents. I know that though wonders may arise, and dreams may not be completed at this time in your life--things will work out accordingly.
Smith is so blessed to have a loving mother with patience, compassion, love, tenderness, endurance and faith. He's grateful to a father who strives to provide, to play, to learn, to laugh, and uphold and support his mother (you) in all that she may do.
I'm so glad you are keeping your spirits up. And I'm glad you're sharing such moments of your life.
Know that we love you guys and can't wait to see you in a couple weeks.
Beth thank you for sharing your feelings and what you are going through. I have found that many people are afraid to let others know when things are going ruff. I wish so much that I could make it all better for you both. Smith is absolutely adorable. I love being around him and holding him and seeing his cute smile. There is something that is so unique and beautiful about him. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you both, and I hope that throughout all of this you will feel peace.
ReplyDeleteLove you so much!
I think back when we were on the mission together. Your patience and kindness, your non judgemental spirit, your zest for life no matter the circumstance makes you different than almost any person on earth. Beth you're amazing. How could God possibly pick a better mother, and friend for this amazing little boy! He is the lucky one! You have always been an amazing example to me. Thanks
ReplyDeleteps Want to have tea?
Beth, thank you so much for sharing something so personal on your blog, I read your post last night and my eyes were too filled with tears I couldn't comment, it put so many things in perspective for me. I am so impressed with your positive attitude and zest for life and though we haven't seen each other or talked for a long time and I haven't met Bryce or Smith all three of you are an inspiration to me. Smith is adorable and obviously very lucky to have such a wonderful mommy, I have no doubt that you Heavenly Father knew that there wasn't a better woman in the world to be his mother, he is a very lucky little boy!
ReplyDeleteHi Bethy,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this with me you are so good. I enjoyed Elder Worthlin's talk. I will be more grateful and not be like the farmer ha!
Thanks for listening to me during all this emotional stuff. Thank you for your wisdom. God is so good to give you to me as my best friend. You always know what to say to help me feel better and it's so nice that you have gone through similar experiences. You are a great example to me and such a beam of light! I love you (oh, and Brycey & Smithy too!)
Love, Mary
you look so pretty in that picture bethy. i love how open and honest you are with your emotions about smith. i have so much respect for you. if anyone can do this, it's you. life kind of reminds me of hide n go seek, "ready or not, here i come!" that's how it is. ready or not, here life comes. i'm spotlighting you on my blog tomorrow. i love you so much! please, can you come swim next week? mon, tues, or wednesday afternoon. your pick! we leave for california friday so it can't be after wednesday. let me know!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful blog. When I see families that have to deal with things like you do I am always simply amazed and in awe. I don't think I could do it. We all have our challenges and struggles but I am still in awe.
ReplyDeleteBeth, I love you! I agree with what Martha said. HF sent Smith to your family because He knew he would be happiest with you and Bryce. He's a lucky little boy!
ReplyDeleteBeth, you were right, tears did flow freely as I read your blog. I pray for you, Bryce, and little Smithy every night. The Lord knows yours and Bryce's heart. He knows that you are strong and give thanks as you watch the glory of God. His glory is in little Smithy's smile, his laugh, his baby steps and strong will to try, and his love for his parents. It will not be forgotten in heaven. (1 Peter 1:7-9) I'm so grateful that you are a part of our family. Smith is yours forever.
ReplyDeleteSpending time with Smith inspires me to reach beyond myself and recognize the angel in each of us.
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