Bread of life

My mother is visiting this week.

and I am making bread!

First time ever.

As a mormon housewife, this is a hard fact to face, seeing as probably every woman on my block has a loaf of home-made bread waiting on their counter.

Well, I always have adored my mom's homemade bread and I am going to learn how to make it. But first, of course, I went with a more gourmet and complicated recipe.

French baguettes.

Yumm... the crusty french bread sound, and the toast...delish.

Okay, enough about food.

Smith is going to get babysat over night for the first time ever. I am so glad my mamma came up to do this little act of service for my Bryce and I. We haven't spent a single night away from him since he's been born. I know this is pretty common for most parents not to spend the night away from their kids, so don't think that I am saying it's totally crazy that we haven't. But the fact is, she offered to babysit him over night and I gladly said "yes!"

Today is the love of my life's Birthday! Yeah Bryce you are 28...and how cute are you? I just love you sweatheart, there is no one in this world that will ever take your place, as I have seriously put so many times before, "we are soul-mates!" and then you laugh, and then I get a sad look on my face and I say,"but seriously, we are." And seriously sweatheart, we are.

You are now 28, and older than me until July then I will be 28 as well, but until then you can boss me around and say, "well, I am older than you so you have to do it."

So cheers to today... and all the rest that we will have together!

On the Serious Side

I sound excited when I talk about Smith's new discovery.

He has possible methylmalonic acidemia.

We don't know for sure if it is, but It might be. A part of me is excited, a part of me is scared, and a part of me doesn't know what to do. I have lived with the fact that Smith David Taylor is a medical mystery for two years, and to know a diagnosis is awesome, everything I asked for. I pray for it to be this genetic disorder because they can actually treat it. There are a lot of aspects to this genetic disease that are hard to face.

They can't undo any damage that is already done. (which is unkown)

And Bryce and I have a one in four chance of having another one with the same disease. (high risk)

So, in short there is a lot racing through my mind. Here are some thoughts I would like to share.

1. I am grateful for Smith's innocence and happy countenance, that I am sure he will have forever.

2. For some reason, I was chosen for this calling in life. Maybe I accepted it before this life, but it has taken me a while to accept it in this one. And now that I feel I have accepted it, things are more peaceful at my core and I am more myself.

3. I have an amazing support group. My husband being number one, he is too amazing it makes me choked up writing about him in any way. And my amazing family that is always praying for him, fasting for him, treating him like he is special but still just one of the grand kids. My friends that listen to me like there is nothing else to do in the world, and take time out of there busy schedule to not be so busy for a moment and spend time with me and Smith.

4. Realizing there are true doctors out there that care... I mean really really CARE. I heart them.

5. I love life! Golly gee whiz....it's a fantastic journey that sure has it's ups and downs! Enjoy the experience of feeling something! We are supposed to feel sadness, sorrow, loss, anger in this life, it's inevitable, because with out those emotions there would be no happiness, joy, love, glee, glory, fun, laughter! I guess if you want a placid life you can avoid feeling any of the negatives, but the positives will go more unnoticed. It's just a part of life, and life is, well, AMAZING!

I love my little Smith. He is always being so cute in some way, I can't help but squeeze his little cheeks and squeeze his little body close to mine everyday. He is one of my favorite joys in life. I thank my heavenly father for giving me such a beautiful little boy.

TULIPS!

We bought our house in October.

I had no idea that our little yard would bring us early spring flowers!

Tulips!

Undeniably my favorite flower. I do fancy the orange tulips best, but any color will do.

Tomorrow I am taking little Smitty into his Neurologist to try to diagnose him properly. I have mixed feelings on this subject. I am scared to medicate him because of the side effects, on the other hand, I would like to see him grow and learn. If the medication can help him develop then I think I am willing to take a chance. I have accepted Smith's disability in my life. My sister called me the other day and told me that a friend of hers lost her fight to cancer. She was only 31 and had 3 children and a husband. I pondered and morned for her family on this earth, with out a mother and a wife. My heart goes out to that family. Then I thought of my current situation and looked down at Smith who was kicking and smiling on the floor.

I don't have cancer.

I have a son, a happy son, with disabilities.

He is a blessing. And I didn't fully realize that until my sister told me that story. I am blessed to have Smith. He has helped me see the world differently, helped me to love differently.

No more woe is me.

Happy me.

Let the good times roll, (and Smith too...)

Let the tulips bloom and I am ready for you SPRING! Oh, so ready!

RESULTS

Dr. Sokonju called me yesterday.

She said she had results for Smith.

I was skeptical, thinking, "well, another test, with out any sign of a problem."

She told me she was glad we did the test because it was.....ABNORMAL!

I was so happy! I have been waiting for a test to come out abnormal, through all the testing they have done and now WHAM! We got one. This means they have something to go off of, she says.

So the test. It tested his brain waves, seeing if he had any seizures or sensory disorders. Dr. Sokonju said that because the test was abnormal we have a paved road to go down and hopefully find some concrete answers.

Whatever Smith has, I hope we can help him even more. He is such a dear boy, he literally smiles all day long. How can I not smile back? He rolls over about 3-5 times a day, and he touches his feet lightly with his fingers. He's my little buddy.

Everyone adores Smith.

Smith, I adore you. I love you. Get better soon. I am here to help every minute of everyday.

love, Mom.

(Smith wearing halloween Pj's in February)

Smith rarely matches.

Sometimes I care, like for church and for other events. But for the most part it's stripes and camo, or patterns that clash. I don't purposely seek clothes that don't match, I just grab a onsie, a shirt, pants and some socks. And if they happen to match then HALLELUJAH! One time our friends looked at Smith and said,"Beth, Smith matches way too much today." They later informed me that they look forward to Smith's outfits, and think it's cute.

Well, Smith matched yesterday for his appointment. For me anyway. He wore a celery green polo onsie with jeans. He did wear red socks with this outfit. But they are just socks right?

So when Smith looked like Elliot on E.T. with wires stuck to his head and chest, the nurse looked at Smith's outfit (me thinking that she is admiring how much he matched) looked at his socks and chuckled. I think she thought it was cute that he clashed so much. Red is opposite to green on the color wheel. Why didn't I think to put on some nice white socks that go with everything?

So today, he is going to wear Christmas pj's. Those always match.

And are always in style, no matter the time of year....right?

Avatar...... wow.

(I look just like her don't you think? All I need is black braids and blue skin... how do I do that?)

The reason I am writing about the movie Avatar is because, after you have children, going to the movies is a HUGE event. So of course, being a huge event for my Bryce and I..... I have to write about this movie.

Here it goes.

DANCES WITH WOLVES MEETS FERNGULLY.

The eye-candy was amazing. The graphics were amazing. The 3-D glasses were awesome (Bryce would look at me and pull his glasses down his nose and wink at me during the movie, it was cute.)

Over all I felt the story line was lacking. How could a former marine master the art of being an avatar after 3 months, and do it better than the whole tribe of native blue people? A little unbelievable. But, why did I leave the theater feeling entertained, and getting my moneys worth? I don't know. But what I do know, is I want to fly on one of those cool looking dragon birds someday. That would be fun.

Has anyone heard of the support groups across the country for people that are depressed because life isn't like it is on the planet for the Avatars.

I am glad life isn't like it is with the Avatars. Granted. I would like one of those killer bodies that those Avatars have.

I like life, it is beautiful, and God created the whole thing. And there are plenty of movies that celebrate this beautiful world. I can't think of any right now, but there are. And who needs a movie to know how amazing this world is... right? Just going on a run the other day I looked up and saw the Wasatch Mountains covered in snow with the tops of the mountains sheltered with misty clouds. I just smiled and breathed in the cold air. It was nice. And beautiful.

So anyway, back to the movie.

It made me sad that people think America is made up of stupid meat heads that only know how to pump iron and blow stuff up. Also that America only cares about money, not life.

Why does James Cameron get to label us all as plastic polluting losers? Well, I am lucky to be a citizen of this country and I am happy that plastic is around because it saves lives everyday. I am so happy that we have an army defending our country everyday, and I am happy to say I support our troops. I just shriveled at what the army thought of the movie Avatar. And if it means anything to anyone that has served our country, I am sorry that you had to see it.

When all the hoora is done and over with about the movie it will be just as dumb as Titanic. Well, maybe not as quite. I still kind of liked the magical world....of course.

Hello

(this is called a light box... yes scary! one of smith's therapists gave it to him and it comes with all different shapes and colors.... boy did I have fun. I rummaged through all the accessories and found these shapes.... really what were they thinking, are her nostrils off to anyone?)

Wow... it's been, well.... WAy too long!

Smith is doing so well, he started to roll over and that has made a huge SMILE on my face.

He is going in for some more procedures next Wednesday. Good ole' Primary Children's, gotta love that place. They are measuring his brain waves. Doesn't that sound like Science fiction to anyone? Sometimes Smith's life feels like Science fiction. I saw an episode of a for real nerd alien show (yes, admittedly so, I love Alien shows) and the subject matter was about a society of people living on a different planet where all the children are born with so much intelligence that when the children reach about 8 years old, give all of their knowledge to the adults, leaving the children vegetable like.

I promise, this is going somewhere.

I thought for a moment about Smith, though not vegetable like at all, that maybe he gave his knowledge to someone else before he came down to earth, maybe, not totally possible, but it's a nice thought.

As for me, I am getting ready for Valentines Day. A holiday I really wasn't interested or involved my self in until I met my Bryce. Now I LOVE IT! Chocolate dipped strawberries, yummy dinner for two and a moment just for "us". Us and always is our motto, we have it written under a framed picture of us in our home. I love it. Instead of "me and now", it is "us and always."

Well, this is Beth, signing off.... and I promise to return, very soon, none of this two month break business.....